Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
