I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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