The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
organizing the empties. That sober.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
