dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
