it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
