Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
