I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
accomplished twins. life is a go
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
