Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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