I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
