I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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