I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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