hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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