So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
