Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
