Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
