Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
