yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
