I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
