i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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