Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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