dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You've changed since you got that strap on
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