Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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