I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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