God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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