I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
