I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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