My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
