I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
