I hate all girls vehemently.
My cat gives me a boner
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
