she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
