it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
