She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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