Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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