So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
