Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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