walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
