Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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