You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hell yes lets make some ravioli
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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