My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
