he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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