it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
