I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
