I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
