The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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