i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
