rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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