so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
