Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
