I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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