I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
