just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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