Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
