we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
