Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
