Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
