mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
