Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
