i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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